Success is a subjective and personal concept. A nebulous idea that works well in fueling a system and economy that’s about productivity, material gain, and acquisition. The idea of being successful.
For that reason, at Be Braver, we love the definition by Maya Angelou, for its rebelling against these common themes of success being about status, power and wealth.
Maya Angelou defined it as:
“Success is liking yourself,
liking how you do it,
liking what you do”
Striving for success, wanting to be successful. The best, most powerful. Promoted to the top.
These are ambitions which are the focus of many development plans clients take to their coaches or set in performance reviews.
Believing that it is this vision, clarity of thought, focus and single mindedness that will give them the determination to be successful. Laser sharp focus on a salary, a title or position.
Now don’t get me wrong, most of us need and want to have a means of paying the bills, providing for ourselves or family - getting ourselves out of debt, finding financial freedom, feeling secure, having a roof over our heads, being able to access healthcare.
These noble drivers however, speak more to the values and attributes of a life and leader, that may be about caring, legacy, security, stability, freedom or independence.
Strengths, values and drivers which will direct anyone who is connected to them, to making better decisions, spotting opportunities and being the best version of themselves that they can be.
These are far more meaningful lenses through which to think about what success could mean for you. How you operationalise these values.
Liberating your potential this way, you bravely pursue striving to be the best version of you, opening yourself to unforeseeable opportunity, creativity and possibility.
Of course in today's world, status, power and influence can also be found online.
Providing a platform for those that want notoriety, profile, followers, and likes.
Social media is awash with subliminal messaging telling you that the hustle, entrepreneurship, 6 am starts, habit stacking, following your passion, time management, mindfulness, retreats, a digital detox are the solutions which will make you successful.
By Guru’s purporting to claim that their success can be yours too. Helen Lewis has a brilliant podcast series on this I encourage everyone to enjoy listening to.
Let’s return to Maya Angelou….
Do you like yourself?
Do you like what you do?
Do you like how you do it?
There is much to love about this. As there is much to love about you.
Though today, some of you might find answering the questions uncomfortable.
There was a time I didn’t have any answers I liked. To any of those questions.
Let us also remember, that we don’t all work. We won’t always work.
What happens to an identity that is so defined by the success of a title when it no longer holds that position? Does a life suddenly become less valued?
Of course not, but if you’ve only ever defined and measured yourself in relation to status, power or wealth, you will find some problems for yourself further down the line when illness, maternity, retirement, redundancy, earn-out, bankruptcy or caring responsibilities change how you understand your roles and identity in life.
We don’t all want a ‘career’, not everyone has a salary. Are those people not successful? Do we write them off because of it?
In Be Braver we hold the point of view, that the meaning we find in our life, leadership, citizenship, or work - is in the process of becoming.
How we travel the journey matters more.
Power, status and acquisition may follow a brave and courageous existence, but they should not lead it.
It is our courage, resilience, and ability to thrive, which comes from the experience of being which moves us to the person we are becoming. Not what we have or do.
Whether we succeed or fail, we learn and move forwards. We are becoming. A living evolving, changing, human being.
Is an unsuccessful life less meaningful than a successful one?
Do we honestly think those we compare ourselves to as successes have it entirely on the merits of their own decisions anyway? Does privilege, circumstance, chance and serendipity not have a role to play too?
If your identity is defined by the success of a role or a title, a job or a business – who do you become when those things are no longer there?
Try to think of success as a leader, a partner, business owner or citizen – as the ability to make decisions and create experiences that will move you towards the person you are becoming.
This means :-
Being able to articulate with clarity the person you are becoming. This is not about SMART goals. The next year. This is about the impact you want to make in the world, the values you hold and what, or who, you want to be remembered for
Being motivated, purposeful and intentional about the future you wish to imagine and create
Learning from failure and being resilient so you sustain yourself in adversity and knock-backs - accepting them as undesirable but necessary outcome
Having the self belief and agency to build, or access, the skills, resources and experiences you need, to move you towards the future you are creating
A mindset that tells you stories full of belief in the abundance of opportunity and potential, that awaits you on the other side of discomfort and adversity
Connections to people, communities, networks and resources that inspire, support and encourage you to see the limitless potential in you
The courage to take risks, uncomfortable decisions and actions that will move your towards the future you are creating
The resilience to persist when failure sometimes results from risk, knowing that there is pride to be found in the falls, because of the person you are becoming. Albert Camus said
Life Is The Sum of ALL YOUR Choices.
We don’t all get the same choices. But we do all have the same freedom to make our own decisions.
Ask yourself the difficult questions and answer truthfully about what success really means to you. What it feels like, what it looks like, who it is with, what purpose it serves.
The answer to these questions will give you a sense of meaning and purpose.
Will enable you to make bolder, braver more courageous decisions. To find success in the strength of your decisions, in the things you can control and the person you are becoming.
The best question of all to start with of course is